Okay, my husband informed me that Jason and the Golden Fleece is a story from the Odyssey. He wondered if I was going to be going on a journey that would take me away for years to come. So I may have gotten my mythology and Bible stories mixed up, but the end result is the same. It’s been a long long journey with a lot of challenges. Same same. So I had a tantrum yesterday, and I meant it, I did, but I guess I was a little short-sighted to think I could ever give up. I don’t even really know what that means, to give up. How could I give up being who I am? How could I think I could ever not do exactly what I’ve been doing these 20 years? It’s like working on a beautiful painting, hours every day, then getting tired of it one day and trying to walk away from it. I don’t think you can. It’s too much a part of your life - a part of your cellular makeup.
I remember when I first started on this journey, sitting on a rock at the lake when the kids were just babies, probably in the summer of 1988. Maybe Erik wasn’t even born yet - I can’t quite remember. I only remember asking that first ‘bigger’ question and hearing somebody answering me. It was nothing short of sheer magic. How could I think I could turn my back on who I’m becoming? That’s not only impossible, it’s also unkind. It’s disrespectful to myself, it’s unfair to all the people I have yet to help, but probably most of all, it’s unkind to my Soul, and to all those who’ve helped me through the years, seen and unseen. I’m sorry, I apologize. I don’t know what got into me. I get tired sometimes. I get discouraged. But of course I’ll keep going, but I still say, I’m waiting for my concrete evidence that I am supported. So maybe I’m still having a touch of that tantrum. Can’t I at least have that? Okay, thanks.