The hardest day yet. 12:15AM, 3:33AM, 5:12AM - our elderly dog has woken me up three times, and if you’ve followed this blog, you know that’s been an ‘issue’ for my sweet husband and me. But I’ve promised to be kind. I watch my husband go outside to where our dog is lying in the grass. He bends over, touches him gently with his gloved hand, and Rusty jumps. But he can’t get up. Steve gently puts his hand under his stomach to help him, but Rusty’s wobbly on his legs and falls down. He tries again, circles around two times before he can stand. He leans into Steve and Steve just stands there holding him with one hand. I can feel their love, and I know that’s why Rusty is refusing to leave. I start to cry. I can say that my bitchiness about not putting Rusty down stems from not wanting to see him suffer, and my tears affirm that, but I would be lying if I didn’t say I’m tired of being woken up every night for the last year, I’m tired of the smell, I’m tired of the time it takes Steve to keep Rusty going, but I have promised to be kind, so when Steve walks back into the kitchen I just give him a big hug. “It must be hard for you to see Rusty that way,” I say. He makes some goofy comment and starts to walk away, but I pull him back, hug him again, and repeat it. This time he doesn’t say anything as he walks away.
Is it hard to be kind all the time? Yes. Kind to strangers? Kind to my friends? Nah - that’s easy. Try being kind every minute to the one you’ve pledged to spend the rest of your life with. Day in and day out. Coming back to that same face, trying to be respectful and understanding when they still won’t flush the toilet or close the lid. Trying to be patient when they don’t do something you KNOW would make them feel better. Not doing what you say! Try it - just for a day. Before you say or do anything, intend to be kind. It’s harder than you might think, even if you consider yourself a kind person, like I do. But I positively believe it will continue to amaze and grow me, this experiment of love. I’m counting on it.