Okay, back on track. Phew. I have figured something out. When I have a part of me that needs to be healed, and someone touches that by their words or actions, I want to run away from it. So I complain, or blame, or play the martyr or victim. Linda asked me today what I would do if I couldn’t bitch anymore. If somehow magically, I was unable to complain about anything. I was stumped. Deal with it, I guess. Figure out a way to not have things bother me. Men don’t seem to have this particular problem as much. They don’t seem to take things so personally - disconnect, maybe, but not get all deep and emotional. They… watch sports! Scream at the opposing team, scream at the refs. Same same but different, maybe.
I felt the storm before I saw it. I thought I was having a panic attack, the energy washing through my body like I’d drunk three pots of coffee. I tried breathing through it, swirling the energy through it to ground, but nothing helped. Until I saw the flash of lightning in the distance and heard the comforting low rumble. Ahhhh - is that what it is? I asked myself. My body answered “yes.” So imagined myself open to the energy of the storm, and what its meaning could be for me during these 28 days of conscious kindness. I came up with the thought that all storms are nature’s way of balancing the energies, reconnecting the negative and positive ions so peace can be restored. That is what we’re going through right now - a storm, riled up energies that now need balancing. The missing parts need to find their other to be made whole again, and if there’s friction in your life, that’s probably what’s going on for you, as well. I don’t know of ANYONE who’s not going through major upheavals and shifts right now.
But I’m not only riding this storm out, I’m breathing it in, trusting it will help me get to my next step. And I know my sweet, kind husband will be there with me on that next step, and I’m eternally grateful. It’s not ALL that hard, being kind. Just takes a lot of focus and dedication. Oh, and love.