sigh. I laugh as I look at the blue word right above where I’m typing. It says “Body” because that’s where the main part of the message goes. There’s also “summary” which I guess is cool, but I’ve never seen it anywhere on the website, so maybe it’s just for us behind-the-scenes people. I wonder where I got my current attitude. I know that years ago I found myself thinking, “If I help enough people through these difficult times, I won’t have to go through them myself,” and interestingly, that seemed to hold up for quite a few years. I was relatively unscathed, untouched by the same powerful forces that were bringing others to their knees. Maybe I’d already gone through it all, I thought haughtily. Maybe I’m beyond that. It’s interesting to note that nobody has gone through it all yet, nobody is beyond ‘all of this,’ and that’s the good news as well as the ‘sigh’ news, as I now lovingly call it (not BAD news, just like, ‘sigh’).
I have no idea why I thought I could opt out. At the time I was 50 pounds overweight, not too impressively healthy in any way, and stuck in some really old, not-so-enlightened patterns. So it’s GOOD to know that I get the same chance as everyone else to move through the density and into the light, but I’m not so keen on the dawning thought that I may have even signed up for an accelerated course to get me through faster and further than I maybe needed. But again that’s okay, I guess - there must be SOME logic in there somewhere that I’m not aware of, some rationale, some reasons, some bigger plan. I don’t know. I take a deep breath and wonder if I’ve got the strength to do the sitting work I said I’d do today. I look out the window to see if my sweet husband will come home for lunch, thereby effectively ‘rescuing’ me from my Work (that’s part of those old patterns - distraction and procrastination).
I sat at the church yesterday listening to the Concerto No. 4 for woodwind quintet, and I left my body. I felt really funny, and almost had to leave, but instead closed my eyes and started breathing deeply. When the song ended I came back. That’s never happened to me before - a music-induced out-of-body experience, but we’re thinking it triggered something else for me, but I’m wondering if I have the strength to go and see what’s going on. I question if I trust my body, but it’s also a question if I trust Spirit, because my body’s just earth, here to house Spirit, so I guess whatever happens in my body comes FROM Spirit. Do I trust? That’s an issue, for sure. An OLD issue, if I think about it. What do I need to do? The work of fully coming into my body, of just being present. I guess I can do that. Sure I can. I don’t see hubby in the driveway yet, so I’ll sign off and see what happens. I guess if we actually DO our Work, our lives will get easier and run smoother, so that’s pretty good incentive. I just wish it wasn’t so much, well, WORK. Because at the end of the day, I think I’m rather lazy. But will I do it? Of course I will - it’s what I do. What needs to be done. It’s what we are ALL doing, and doing a mighty fine job, at that. I only wish we could get paid at the end of it all, but I guess I may just be looking for the wrong kind of reward for all the hours. Rewards come wrapped in all sorts of wrapping paper, don’t they? Okay, long enough - no white pickup to be seen, so I’m off to do, yup, my Work (wish me luck, or something).