What is it when we are given the opportunity to face our greatest fears, again and again and again? Do we approach them the same way each time? Or can we look at everything in a new way, from a higher perspective, from an expanded state of awareness? I have to say, I was surprised when I sat in the doctor’s chair, listening to all of the ‘scary’ things that may happen in the future, only to keep hearing the calm, reassuring information: “Everything is going to be just fine,” over and over again, but more importantly for me, for me to FEEL that calmness and that knowingness, and certainty that I’d be just fine. Titanium implants. Titanium, right? Only my client yesterday said HER implants have aluminum in them, so I googled (NEVER google at a time like this, people - it’s hazardous to your health) and saw that yes, some may contain aluminum AND nickel. I could feel the start of that old familiar anxiety creeping back up through my body, but then the reassuring voice got louder, too, and the feeling of calm got more powerful, as well. “You’re okay - the implants are 100% titanium. You’re just fine. Everything is just fine.” But did I just trust that, or did I call the Jaw and Mouth Center and ask them? What do you think? Yup - 100% titanium - no aluminum.
But what is this awful feeling I’ve had for three days, this nausea, dizziness, fever-like stuff… I know me. If I KNOW there’s a bad infection in my tooth, I can talk myself into believing that every sing little glitch and twitch is ‘THE INFECTION.’ I can make it far far worse than it is, just with my mind. So… if that’s true, can I create the really, really good with my mind, as well? Let’s try THAT, shall we? So every night as I lie in bed, feeling kind of icky, I put my hands cradling my jaw and talk to my tooth. I tell it to hang in there - I’m taking care of everything. I imagine a beautiful golden light flowing down into that area, bathing and healing it. Did it make me feel better? Well, not really, so this morning I called and go my antibiotics and pain medicine early. What? Antibiotics AGAIN? Tylenol with codeine? Right - so I’d prided myself on not taking a prescription med OR OTC for like the past 5 years, yet in one month’s time I’ve taken Advil, one round of antibiotics for my cellulitis at Christmas, and now ANOTHER antibiotic for nasty mouth bacteria? Another round of awful possible side effects and being afraid of what the medicine may do to my body, then I stop… wait - let’s make this medicine what you need it to be. Let’s transform it to work WITH your body, and not against it. Do I believe what I say is true? Or am I full of crap when it comes to my own body and my own health? I decided to put my money where my mouth is (hah), and first asked if the drugs would be okay for me. “Yes, yes, yes - they’ll be just fine. You’ll be just fine. Everything will be just fine,” was my answer. So then I swallow my first pill, and visualize it going directly into my mouth, working with help escort the little bacteria out of my body so it can start to heal. I thank the medicine for doing such a beautiful job. I know that I can continue to take my probiotics and yogurt to keep my good little bacteria thriving.
Then I decide to check in with my body again this afternoon and ask it: why are you feeling like this? My body’s surprising answer back to me? “For the past three years we’ve had to live with this infection, and we’ve all worked together to do everything we can to keep it at bay. It would build, and we’d release some of it back into us to be washed away so it wouldn’t build up too much to cause you a lot of pain. You were working with a lot at that time, but now is the time to get 100% healthy in every area of your life. We know you are taking care of this tomorrow, so we are releasing the infection as much as possible into your system at this time to make it easier for you in your healing process. Everything is just fine. You are just fine.” What a smart little body, huh? Even though I admit I sit here and think, “huh?” it still makes sense on some levels. How COULD I live with a bad infection for THREE YEARS? That seems like a really long time to not get really sick. I remember having waves of icky stuff that I wondered if it was the infection being released into my body, kind of lifting the lid off a pot to let off some of the steam, cool things down a little.
Will everything be all right? Well, I’m supposed to go straight from the oral surgeon to picking up Bill, taking him to art and picking him up again, then straight to a Symphony Board meeting, but I just don’t know how I’ll feel. Right at this moment I feel kind of tired, worn out, but why wouldn’t I be? Fighting this whatever for so long? It’s time to get things done. It’s time to walk boldly through whatever I need to walk through, and just get going. I’m not letting my fears or worries get in my way anymore. Why should I worry? I know everything’s going to be just fine. What’s best for me, and kind of surprising, is how calm I feel, even excited, about these new challenges and experiences. It’s a new way of trusting and being here that goes beyond the norm. It is forcing me to be fully in my empowered state, eyes wide open, aware, awake, and again, walking my talk, which is the crucial key for this next step work. I will let you know how tomorrow goes - you know I will.