I feel the energy gather in my body. It usually starts at the top of my head, which becomes hot, then feels like a giant hand is pushing down on it. The tingling radiates around the side of my head, and usually my TMJ flares its beautiful jaw-ey head, stiffening my face so I can’t chew or talk or brush my teeth. Then the energy hits the back of my neck, and if I’m not careful and awake enough, implants two rocks the side of large marbles on either side of my C3. See? I know the language of necks and backs - I’ve been working with this energy a long, long time. Then the energy builds in my heart area, radiating all around my chest so I get stabbing pains on my left side and it’s hard to keep myself upright. So I usually don’t. I lay down on my back on the carpet in our front room, my arms stretched out at my sides, a goofy daVinci perfect man model in the circle.
The heart energy can cause palpitations or make my heart beat too fast if I’m in a large crowd or standing for too long. I don’t worry - it’s happened so much, I’m like, “Oh, hey...” When the energy sparkles down my spine it always ends up somewhere along my pelvic ridge. Right now it’s resting on my right side, so along with my left jaw pain, it makes it difficult to sleep. Right, left, right, left? Ouch ouch ouch ouch. It’d be really funny if it wasn’t so uncomfortable. Tai chi helps. Daughter on the mountain, passing clouds, bird flaps its wings. Meditation helps. Just sitting with my back straight instead of my usual slouch on our cushy sofa and chairs. Breathing helps. Duh. As the energy surges south, it smashes out the bottoms of my feet and my feet grow cold, then numb. I don’t know why. I’d think they’d want to burst into flames at that point. Maybe they’re like me with my 8PM clients - tired after the long journey.
The energy brings dreams. Last night I sat alone on a bus, and covered the top with a plastic tarp for privacy. Oh, and I was an old black man. The dreams. Do they make sense? I feel the dream energy smoking through my whole body, swirling through my brain, connecting the different parts, no longer separate. The dreams are the same as my waking. What’s real, anymore? What’s imagination? It takes a firm person to stay grounded in these times of close friends becoming psychotic wenches, screaming undeserved insults so hard at us that our hair blows back and our cheeks quiver. It takes a hero to remain compassionate and calm during these energetic times, these times of crashing into our barriers so that we can Chuck Yeager beyond. You are that hero. I am that hero. If you’re alive, you’re doing it, even if you think you’re a weak sniveling slob (I think that about myself sometimes and would never presume that you ever think that about yourself).
I listen carefully to what I tell others, because in my words is hidden my own secret message to my Soul. What am I telling others? Be gentle with yourself. Rest as much as possible. Drop everything unnecessary. Find joy every day. Keep a gratitude journal. Be sure to hug people, smile, and tell them you love them. Don’t expect too much from yourself or anyone. We’re all just trying to get through this. These are crashing times, but not destruction crashing. I think it’s crashing so that we can shake off the old barnacles and be wiped clean so we can build our new. We’d never want to put the new onto the old - it would just shingle off. Or are we being reborn from the inside out, so that as we grow our golden selves the new automatically pushes the old off, like sunburned skin, peeling off our backs in strips? Ew. Yes, that’s it. Crashing and peeling at the same time. I asked to do it, just do it, and not mess around any longer. And although I have no idea what I’ve now signed up for, I have faith. I really do. We might as well - what other choice do we have? Kicking and screaming, I suppose. I’m tired of doing that. The sleepy child just wants to go to bed, so she can start tomorrow fresh and new.