I just can’t. It sucks. He he he he he he he. He ran. Then he stumbled. Then he looked around him. Then he he he he. BORING! Even this exciting part that I’m trying to stretch out to build the drama is BORING! It’s so boring to me! I just can’t do it. Sigh. I thought I could, but I just can’t. This is too much. It’s too hard, and I don’t know what I’m doing. I can see what I should be doing, and I just can’t execute it. It’s too big. The 70 pages are just streeeeeeeeeetched out and I can’t SEE the whole thing. I don’t know what I’m doing. I have pieces of interesting junk that can’t be strung together at all. I don’t know what to do 33,000 words and I want to just give up. I want someone else to rearrange everything, look at it, tell me what I’m doing wrong, what works, tell me what I should do. Why aren’t I writing NON-FICTION? I can do that! See? Right here, I’m typing, having no trouble typing, but then I think of my novel, and I’m like uh,,,,,,,,,, I got nothing.
I can feel the story, I can hear the story, I know how it should go, yet I can’t make it go there, and make it exciting. Create a conflict, let him solve one, then get him into trouble again. Miss T. is SO superb, and I understand her, yet I look at the page, and go uhhhhhhhhh… I got nothing. I can’t make it more interesting. Sure, Will and Bill are biking down the street and all of the lights are out. Bill puts out his hand and BAM! one of the lights comes on. He continues to do it, and the whole string of lights pop on so light their way to the silo. Yeah, that’s cool. But then he said this, then he shook his head, then he… BORING!
I don’t know what to do right now. Keep writing just to get my word count, try to pull the oysters out of the muck and create some order. I don’t even know if I’m ABLE to do that. I don’t feel like a very good writer right now, and even if I ‘finish’ my novel at the end of the month, will I really be able to call it a novel? Or will it be just a few thoughts thrown onto paper so I can say I did it? Or is the point to get things started? I don’t know. I don’t know. I just don’t know. And this time I am NOT feeling enlightened when I say it. I just feel lost and confused. So what will I do? Go back and look at it again, I suppose. I’ve already checked Facebook 53 times, played Bubble Shooter three times, ordered our tickets to Harry Potter online. I’ve run out of excuses. Sigh. Guess I’ll go write.