Okay, it’s still bad, but not so bad. One side of me tells me just to keep writing, slog through it. Another side says to get your bearings, slogging into more mud only makes it more sloggy. So I decided to try the Middle Way [always a good idea]. Keep writing, BUT also try to tighten up my plot, and scene unfoldment [how does the action move?]. I’ve even gone back and added more stuff. I’m just praying that at the end of all of this I’ll have enough material to work with. I just hope it’s not all muddled and jumbled up. I kind of feel like I’m in the middle of a road trip without a map. I just know I want to end up on the West Coast, but I don’t know the roads. I just keep getting on new roads, hoping against hope that they’re headed West, and not curving South, or god forbid, circling around to head EAST! NOOOOOOO! I want to go WEST! So I suppose if I look at a map, and draw out my itinerary, I’ll have a better shot at making it in a timely and interesting fashion. And what happens along the way IS the novel. Oh, I wish someone had urged me to prepare! But nooooooo - just start! They say… Just write! They say..... Keep writing! They say. I say pffffff - why did I listen to any of them? Why didn’t I follow my intuition, which whispered to me to prepare a little. Maybe research HOW to write a plotline, how to write a novel, but no, I’m a WRITER, I say proudly, I’ve written for 45 years! I can do this! Oh no, my friends - it’s not that easy. Nothing is, when you first try something new. But it’s good for me to feel this discomfort, this unease, this nervous quivering in my fingertips. I’m uncertain - I don’t know how to do it, and I’ve spent much of my life only doing those things I knew I was good at. Things that were EASY. But this isn’t easy. I’m feeling tiny bursts of fun, and excitement. I still CARE about Bill and Will and Violet, and oddly, AS I’m writing, it’s starting to come together, a touch, but it’s still muddy. And I don’t like muddy. I like clean! So I e-mailed my friend Tania, who’s a writer, asking if I can hire her to help me with plotline. I’m trusting and hoping she’ll say yes, and say yes TODAY, so I can get going some more!!! So, here is what I’d like to say to you today - it’s scary venturing out into unknown territory. I really want to just give up right now. Nobody would blame me. I’d just say I was overwhelmed. But I know the true reason I want to give up - I’m afraid I’ll fail - I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it. But, I WILL do it! I will continue. I will NOT give up, even if it’s a big pile of literary poo poo when I’m done. I’ll keep going. Whatever YOU want to try, to do, DO IT! I’m right here with you! It’s uncomfortable, but so what? When we’re done, we’ll have kicked fear’s butt, and for me, that’s one of the best reasons for doing this - walking right through the fear, talking down your inner critic, and walking more firmly into your Center. And if I can do it, so can you… what is something scary that YOU’LL confront today? DO IT!! I dare you!
