Can you feel it? That intensity that shakes your teeth and wakes you up in the middle of the night? That energy that can reduce you to tears with just a glance, or a memory, or a thought, or a word? Those feelings that drift up to the surface like pulled up seaweed at the lake - the initial pulling up from the bottom, the very core and beginning, isn’t THAT bad - sure, it might sting at the time, or leave you wanting 4 hour naps for a week or so, but really it’s not THAT bad. But once that no-longer wanted seaweed part of us floats up into our consciousness, we begin to feel its slimy green tendrils wrapping themselves around our days until finally they break to the surface and we can finally see them for what they are - weeds in the Lake of our Soul.
And I guess that isn’t so bad, really, it’s just the KNOWING what’s happening that we need to keep remembering. Everything is part of the process, and serves a purpose. We don’t seem to be able to RUSH the process, or REALLY ever QUITE figure out EXACTLY what’s going on for us, because it’s just too BIG, but we CAN use the cycles as practice for our awakening. IF we stay open, awake, and interested. That’s the hardest part for me right now, staying interested. Most of the time I just want to keep running AWAY from the unpleasantness or complain that it’s not ‘over’ yet (whatever THAT means!).
I’ve been drinking too much coffee recently. I don’t know why. I just am. My left foot is really acting up, so that I have to limp everywhere. But I’m not stopping. Heck no. Then my root canaled tooth started hurting, a lot, yesterday, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I sat there crying in the kitchen, my head in my hands. “This… is… just… so… hard!” I sobbed to my understanding husband. I have a sneaking suspicion some powerful hormones are involved, as well, but that’s only an educated guess. I broke down and took one ibuprofen, and that really helped, but as I look around at all of my dear friends, family, clients, and acquaintances, I’m seeing the pattern of this intensity as it builds. People are having difficulties with things on the LEFT sides of their bodies (how’s YOUR left side?), they’re feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, scared, ready to give up (again, whatever THAT means). I know for me I keep saying “I give up” which I think is a good thing, because I totally have the tendency to push things all of the time. I think I’ll stay ‘giving up’ until mid October when I’m done with my current projects, then we’ll see what’s going on, when we all come up for air a little.
I foolishly thought this summer would be a nice break, a lounge in the sun on a hammock, lemonade in hand, a cool breeze on my sun-drenched face. Hah. But it IS still a beautiful, gentle, loving, incredibly miraculous time as well (as ALL times are), IF I remember to take time to breathe, enjoy what’s right in front of me, and enjoy every moment with my dear family, and be grateful for all of the goodness that surrounds me in every moment. When I really take the time to look at my life, I get tears in my eyes just realizing how blessed I am. Maybe THAT’S what will help us all through these FEELING landmines of slimy seaweed unconsciousness that we seem to be swimming in at this time. I know for SURE that it sure won’t hurt.
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