Greta Garbo said it, I think, but more like, “I vant to be alone...” and it was supposed to be cool, but when I hear my child say it, it’s totally NOT cool. For the past two days he’s been tired when he gets home from school. Today when I asked him if he was tired AT school he said no. Then it came to me. If we don’t feel comfortable or welcome or loved or nourished or nurtured or supported or accepted where are, we lose our Spirit. We get tired. We want to be alone. It took my 10 year old to reflect to me how I’ve been feeling for the past couple of months. Sure I can talk about energy shifts, blah blah blah, but that just doesn’t cut it today. I’ve just about had it, and although I don’t quite know what ‘it’ is, or what to do next, I just want to say it. Yes, I have to have a root canal and I’m upset about that, but that’s just the straw that is breaking this mama’s back. On and on it all piles, and it feels like these HUGE energy circles in my life that TOTALLY overlap, and no matter what I could ever do, I’ll never be able to do it all, so I just do a little bit of everything, a great deal of ... nothing.
What’s the answer? I have no idea. I think it’s all part of this New Earth that we find ourselves in - the world of freshness and new eyes and dropping everything useless. Ah - that’s the trick - how do I figure out what’s useless and how do I drop it? What if it’s a relationship or a habit? Some of these things are YEARS in the making - how are we supposed to understand and deal with it overnight? How do we give our family what they need when it feels like no matter what we say they don’t listen (or can’t listen)? How do we take care of ourselves when others don’t pull their weight? How do we do what we need to do when we don’t feel supported by others around us? How can we help others? I don’t know.
Everyone I’ve spoken with has voiced the same feelings; that’s why I’m writing about this today. I’m curious about this universal phenomenon of upheaval and change - the spiritual vomiting that I wrote of earlier. I hadn’t heard from one friend in a long time - she wrote today - she’s getting a divorce and has moved out. Not new information - changes all around us - boom boom boom. Like bombs going off. You never know when the next one’s going to hit, so you’re always looking at the sky and ducking… just in case. Except I don’t want to duck anymore. I don’t want to feel like this, but I have a sneaking suspicion we’ll just have to keep walking through this spiritual minefield one foot at a time. Walk...wait...don’t blow up...walk...wait...don’t blow up. On and on until we get out of this current field. Yes, it’s intense. No, I haven’t quite figured out WHY, other than we need to energetically decluttering and releasing what no longer serves, and if we haven’t quite finished, wellllllll, we’d better get to it, because it’s not getting any easier. The good news? We’re not alone - look to your left - there’s a friend - look to your right - there’s another friend. All walking arm in arm, like Dorothy, Tin Man, Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion. Off to see the Wizard. Following the Yellow Brick Road. Maybe we need to watch that movie again, just to see if it makes deeper sense at this time. I think it might. I’m going to see my 10 year old now - hug him and tell him I love him - just sit with him. Because even though we say we want to be alone, I think being with others is a lot nicer, in the end.