It’s a choice, isn’t it? How we see the world? What we choose to focus on? I have been feeling very deep feelings these days - staring at a branch on a tree and feeling the entire life of the tree as it passes through me, from seed till it drops over dead. I can feel the impermanence of everything. Nothing stays the same. Everything is on the big wheel that clicks onward every moment of the days. If you think that’s depressing, it’s actually the opposite. It’s very very sweet. It makes me appreciate every moment as a perfect drop in the ocean of everything. It is just one drop, yes, but it is THIS perfect drop, right here in front of me. The boys sitting playing Halo Risk at the dining room table, Meesha running around with her bone, looking for someplace to hide it, Kari upstairs, me sitting here on our sagging sofa, looking at the beautiful black bracelet she brought me from England. It is all so so precious, and I try not to cling to the moments. I breathe and place myself firmly HERE, at this place in space and time, because that is the only real thing, anyway, if anything really IS real, anyway. I’m not sure anymore. But it’s okay. It’s more than okay - it’s stunningly perfect, because it just IS. I like this IS Place. It feels safe and solid and secure. Well, as secure as anything CAN be these days. Not much of anything is assured, except that change is the order of the day. And we get to decide how we react to the change. What do you choose? I choose to be merry, to be happy, to be grateful. I slip, and get angry at something somebody did that was hurtful to someone I love, then angry at something else someone ELSE did that was hurtful to that same someone I love. But at the end of it all, I still choose to be merry on this Christmas Eve day, no matter what happens. I choose happy.
