I admit it - I used to kind of scoff at people who revered numbers, as in, “oooooh, it’s 2.3.04 - a magical day!” and I’d be thinking, “yeah, yeah, let’s just see how many magical days we can make - oooooh, it’s 4.8.06 - a super duper magical day!” But I’ve changed my thinking from skeptical to kind of a believer. It all started with 8.08.08. Mom had just died, my best friend Melissa was getting married in our backyard under Sam, our beloved silver maple, and I loved the symmetry of the 8’s. Then came 9.09.09. Mariah, Jodee and I had a gathering at the Spirit Room, representing Body (Mariah - duh!), Mind (Jodee - duh!) and Spirit (me). I led a meditation exactly at 9:09AM, and honestly, I totally went to my Happy Place. I can’t speak for anyone else, but it really WAS kind of magical. Enter 10.10.10. Yeah, it kind of totally kicked my butt to the wall, and I’ve never really recovered. If you ask me WHY it kicked my butt, I can’t quite put my finger on it, other than to say it was around then that I REALLY started feeling the pressure to release the old, dense, lower, unnecessary and unwanted things in my life. That included people, responsibilities, work, THING things, thoughts, habits and automatic patterns. It sucked.
I’m stubborn. More stubborn than I would ever like to admit. I abhor being told what to do. I hate feeling pushed around, and if it feels like that’s happening to me, I will instinctively dig my heels in without even first seeing if it was a GOOD idea that I was being pushed toward. I just didn’t want to be PUSHED. I wanted to do it ON MY OWN, gracefully, elegantly, with my head regally high, my high heels on, my silk dress flowing gracefully in the wind. But nooooooooo [ala Steve Martin] - I resisted so hard I found my face in the symbolic dirt, flat. Crying, snot running down my face (all symbolically, of course), I started crawling, still resisting, crying, “You can’t make me, you can’t make me,” and life was like, “Oh yeah - let’s see who’s coming out on top on this one.” Life didn’t have to do anything but just wait. I did the rest. Sloppily, clumsily, mostly crawling, bitching and swearing, I inched forward through my blocks, resisting all the way.
I think, sincerely know, that we have it in our power to make all of this easier. But (and that’s a big but) it requires some basic things from us. It requires us to be open to change, trusting, willing, and focused. I kind of suck at all of those things, but in realizing that I’m crawling one inch further. Right? I’m human. Really, REALLY human. But I actually love that about myself. I hear others who are like, “oh, this is so eeeeeeeeeasy! I just go with it, and everything is just so eaaaaaaaaaaasy!” I love them, I really do, but I can’t help but wonder if they’re fooling themselves, like a dog moving her legs while asleep, convinced that she’s really running. She’s not - she’s sleeping. She’s only dreaming she’s running. But maybe they really ARE that equipped to just breeze through these intense times. I’m not. I feel EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. I must’ve asked for that, so I can talk about it and help others. Sure, we’ll go with that.
So now it’s not only the same day/month/year numbers that are coming up. Oh no, let’s add in some more fun stuff, like 1.11.11. Let’s see how that works. I love 1’s, I really do. I’ve seen 11:11 everywhere since I’ve been very young, and that’s a lot of years ago; like 45 or so. So a friend on Facebook just posted that he noticed his 1,111th friend was added at 1:11 today, 1:11.11. Cool! You couldn’t plan that if you tried. So I thought, “I’ll just keep my eyes peeled for something cool to happen today.” I promised to be kind all day, and other than calling that slow driver in front of me a jackass, I did really well. I was watching a movie on my computer, but needed to check the time to go pick up my son from school. I paused the movie and it stopped. I glanced down to see how many minutes the movie had run, and it said, “1:11:11”. I totally paused [ala Alicia Silverstone], awed that I had conjured up the magical 1.11.11 ON 1.11.11. What a novel way. Maybe not as cool as the Facebook friend, but still pretty cool in my world.
So I sit here and wonder what it all might mean. Nothing, I suppose. We make our own meaning out of things, I think. We make a cross mean something. We make a planetary alignment mean something. We make dates mean something. I choose to make something out of this, and it is this: today is my own mini-gateway through which I am walking (or crawling - no, today feels more like a walk day for me), and when I look into my brain I see that I have softened a lot. I see that I love people, and am committed to being love in all ways. I see myself as continuing to trust (albeit slowly, but still...), and see myself as being mostly kind (sorry, slow driver - I just wanted to get home). I see myself as a brave spiritual warrior, continuing on even though I get tired, and discouraged, and scared, and doubtful. I KNOW we’re all walking toward something beautiful - 100% Soul Consciousness right here in our physical bodies. I don’t know WHEN we’ll get there. Some say 12.12.12 - others say June, some think the world is ending this May. But I know we WILL get there, and mostly together. So I walk through another gateway thinking, “I made it!” and I celebrate in a small way, with a smile and a sip of my raw kombucha. Cheers! We’ve made it this far - on to the next adventure.