Is she a bully? Or is she a teenage girl? Is there a difference at this point and does it really matter? I don’t like bullying energy. I want to bully it, which makes no sense. So I take a deep breath and look at this little girl’s life. I see her desperately seeking attention, talking loudly and making a scene so everybody knows she’s here. I want to hug her, tell her I see her, and I think she’s beautiful, and it’s all okay, no matter what. I see myself in her, that insecure, wondering girl who wants people to notice her. I seek common ground with her. I reach out and meet her mother; it can’t hurt. I focus on the positive, compliment the daughter on her work, compliment the mother on her hard work.
I overhear the mother talking about something I’ve been included in, and ask if she’s still going. I think the mother has lied to me, but I’m not sure. She says it’s about something else. I feel like I’m back in junior high, and some of the girls have planned a party then not wanted me to go. But I WAS included, this ISN’T junior high, and I wonder what kind of life this mother lives, and how she transfers her philosophies of exclusion, judgment and condescension onto her daughter, if that’s an accurate assessment of what just happened. And I wonder if I have to hug this woman (metaphorically speaking), because I’m pretty sure I should, me being so spiritual and all (I’m being facetious if you missed that), and I’m pretty sure there’s a lesson in all of this, and I think I understand some of it. Some people choose to still see the world as black and white, as “we’re in and you’re out”, as a small place where everyone is not welcome. But that doesn’t mean I have to believe that for myself, or be affected by it. I get to choose my reactions and actions. I hope I am an inclusive person. I try to include everybody - the more the merrier, let’s have a big party! But then that blurs the lines between who’s cool and who’s not, who’s better than someone else. If we’re ALL together, who can we make fun of, put down, make feel inferior? Exactly. We don’t need to do that at all. What good does that do? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Does it move us all forward? I think not.
So today I choose love again, and always. I choose kindness and respect and inclusion. I choose to embrace this woman and her daughter and see that they are just like the rest of us - people who struggle and try, people who are flawed AND perfect, all at the same time. And if I get angry at them, I am being judgmental, and that doesn’t help anybody. So I’ll continue to tell the daughter she’s doing a beautiful job, and continue to praise the mother for all of the good work she’s doing, and it doesn’t really matter what they think about me, because that’s not the point. The point is to love, and to seek to bring people together, not polarize them. We are who we are. So smile, be kind, and be yourself. And try not to take anything personally. Chances are if someone hurts you, or tries to hurt you, it’s about them, not you. If I ever forget that, will you please remind ME? Thank you.