Is it the full moon? The lunar eclipse? The solar flares? There’s something else galactical going on - I forget, but it’s something way way far away (ala “Waiting for Guffman” gesturing). Yesterday I was positively neurotic, I think. I could feel the energy coursing through me and I didn’t know what to do about it, or with it, or to it. So I cleaned. I did dishes and laundry. I vacuumed. You can see how dangerous this was if I resorted to cleaning the house. But movement helps move the energy through. I feel like my house in Bismarck, bracing itself against the Mighty Spiritual Waters of the Missouri, hoping against hope that I don’t get totally swept away in the process.
I think I may just be too much. I think I expect too much. I think I try to do too much. I think I want too many things that I don’t have time for. If anyone were to tell me, just drop everything you’re planning and just sit, I wouldn’t know what that even meant. Would you? Is it the Amazon Warrior Princess in me? Ah - that’s getting closer. That beautiful, awesome, masculine energy that seeks to destroy anything it bumps up against, that threatens to block or thwart the progress of my life. NOOOOOOOO! I scream, holding up my sword and ululating (I posted a video on Facebook of some women ululating, and yes, I’ve done it before, haven’t you?). There is power in the voice, power in breathing, power in the present moment.
I haven’t felt very powerful lately, or maybe too powerful. I don’t know. How can I not know which I’m feeling? Because things are fuzzy, split into more than one. I am the whole loaf of bread AND I am a speck of whole wheat flour at the same time. Not opposites, just smaller and larger as I float between the two, trying to integrate and settle. I know I’m the larger, but the smaller is my past that’s coming up to be healed. I choose to stay in the larger, seeing the bigger picture, knowing the Truth of all situations, feeling the Truth of our life here on Earth. It is to become fully Ourselves, to love, to support, to inspire, to enjoy. Am I doing that? No? Then I’m certainly not living large, and not doing that is positively lunar. I choose stellar, I choose solar. Lunar? That’s just crazy.