We are all connected. We are all One. I know this to the very core of my Being. When we look at something we are looking at a reflection of ourselves. We are all tiny mirrors, reflecting each other back to ourselves, in our quest for total Understanding of Who We Are. I also know this to the core of my Being. Love connects us. This I also know. But I feel pain when someone I love dies. Someone suggested that death sucks, but for me, I don’t think it’s about death. I think it’s about life here in a physical body. I feel this beautiful aching joy that is the miracle of actually being able to TOUCH someone else’s Soul through their physical body. That’s just amazing! But along with that comes the necessary density and amnesia that we ARE ‘only’ Spirit, ‘only’ energy, and just inhabiting this body that is simply dirt. So when that dirt no longer houses ‘us’ we forget what is really the ‘us’ in this whole thing, and we mourn the contact, the furry little body, the soft skin, the laugh, the soft hair. I know that’s what I miss when I think of my mom and Tossie. I miss the solidity of their Being.
So how to understand this? How do I continue to soften so I can be more present, more loving, more available to everything this life has to offer me? I don’t know. I sit here, just breathing, looking at the computer screen, seeing my sweet puppy resting in her kennel, hearing the documentary on Martin Luther King Jr. playing in the other room, hearing the wind roaring across the front of the house. I see the tree branches swaying slightly, and I can hear the ringing in my left ear. I can feel the chair solid underneath me, and the computer warm on my lap. I can hear the tap tap of the computer keys, and I wonder if I’m fully here. Maybe that’s the gift. To always be fully present to the moment, because you never know what the next moment will bring, or who will (or won’t) be in it. No regrets. I regret not spending more time with Tossie. I do not regret anything with Mom. I spent a lot of time with her. I sacrificed. Did I sacrifice for Tossie? I don’t know what that means. I don’t life is about sacrifice. I think it’s about celebration and gratitude and awe.
We do what we do, without judgment, really. We just DO things, don’t we? It seems that LATER we attach the judgment. “But WHY did you do that? Why didn’t you do THAT?” and we beat ourselves up, like we’re idiots and should’ve known better. If we HAD known ‘better’, then we WOULD’VE done something differently the first time, don’t you think? So maybe today is about gentleness, and allowing, and of just feeling expanded and grateful. Of realizing that while we ARE separate parts of the Whole, we ARE also One, so are never alone. That is another thing I know to the core of my Being. What to do next? It’ll come to me, just give me a minute.