I’m about to go in to the oral surgeon’s, and I debated whether I should write before or after, and decided that before would be best. I want to know how I’m feeling right now, right before. I feel like Girard Butler in “300” in the mountain pass, waiting for the Persians. I can hear their heavy drumbeat, see their warships and thousands of warriors, and like Girard, I am hoping to feel the anticipation, not fear. I want to be that warrior, call in that masculine energy that will propel me through, but also keep with me the healing feminine energy that has that broader perspective and can see the bigger picture whereas sometimes that masculine energy cannot. What do I see for me?
My tooth is willing to sacrifice itself for the greater good of my body. It actually was sacrificed some 38 years ago the first time, when it died, but still stayed. That’s probably kind of foreign right there, isn’t it? To have something still be a shell, dead, but still where it was when it was alive? And we think that’s good? My body is relieved it will get the opportunity to heal and be filled with high energy and light and not have to fight the lower energies anymore. It started 3 years ago, shortly after I overhauled my physical body by losing 50 pounds and eating well. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. Maggie suggests pulling all of the negative and unwanted energies into my tooth area, so when they pull the tooth, they’ll take everything else with it, as well. Good idea!
My insides feel quivery, and I can’t eat. I can drink water, though, so that’s what I’m doing, which is probably not a good idea, either, seeing as I’ll probably have to go to the bathroom towards about the middle of the procedure. Hey - I went to the bathroom in the middle of my root canal, why not in the middle of my extraction? No - I’ll be fine. I find myself stopping myself if I start to think about anything other than the highest possible outcome. I concentrate on all those sending me love and healing and support. I concentrate on all of the people who’ve been through this and come out the other side, saying it was no big deal. I keep trying to be brave in my life, and it always surprises me how chicken I apparently am. I look around - there are so many brave people, I feel stupid, immature, young, but no - STOP! Everybody’s scared of something - you just happen to be aware of what scares you, AND you’re taking active steps to walk through those fears. There’s no dishonor in that. That’s what we need to do. I’ve taken pictures all throughout today - it feels important, somehow, to have a pictorial of the day. I don’t know why. I need to leave in 9 minutes, yet here I still sit. I need to take some deep breaths, center myself, get calm, so I think I need to sign off. I’ll let you know how it goes, though, with an update when I get home. I wonder what I’ll say? Wish me luck - I’m going in… I AM SPARTA!!!!!!!!
LATER: it’s all done. I will admit - it kind of sucked. My tooth was brittle after 38 years of being root canaled (is that a word? Well, it is now), and would not come out. At all. Finally, sweet Dr. Preisler said, “Wow, that’s really stubborn,” and it felt like it could’ve been ME he was speaking to, and I started crying, but honestly, there are other reasons I was crying, too. I felt Mom there with me, and I started missing her. Then I felt Kathleen, and Dawn, and Lorie, and Gail and Marc and Marco and Maggie and Melissa and Shannon and Kari and Erik and Steve and Bill, all there standing in front of me holding their hands up to send me love. That made me cry. Maybe I just needed to cry. I apologized for being stubborn, and for taking so long, and for being a bad patient, and they said I wasn’t. In the middle of listening to “Love Shack” and in the middle of the worst part of trying to get the roots out, Dr. Preisler sang, “Tin roof....rusted!” and I burst out laughing. I’d never known those particular part of the lyrics all these years, and here in the oral surgeon’s room I learned something. We all laughed. That helped.
But when I was done I felt shaky, but still drove home just fine. Almost to the driveway I felt lighter, clearer, calmer, and I know it’s all the ‘bad’ stuff leaving my body and my life, and for THAT I’m really grateful. The rest of it? Gauze in my mouth, can’t talk (horrible for me!), but in one piece, well, a few more pieces that were left at the doctor’s office. But today starts my grand healing, and I’m excited for my Next Step. I’m proud I was a warrior today, and I called forth all of that powerful energy to keep me moving, even when my whole body clenched and grew cold. I did it! What else do I need to do? I’m sure I’ll find out soon…