I admit it - I crashed yesterday. I feel discouraged, tired, restless, impatient, vulnerable, alone, blah blah blah. Same story, but different ending. I put on my coat, gathered up the taco meat, Bill’s lunch, my coconut milk and water and purse and walked out the door. I drove the block to school because of all the stuff I had to carry. I worried I may drop the crockpot full of taco meat, and that would be disastrous, I thought, as I balanced the hot crockpot on the dirty red potholders, with my water and coconut milk nestled in my elbow, my purse ready to fall off my shoulder, my butt pushing the car door shut. As I walk up the slippery driveway to the school, I think, “Okay, if there IS a god, if this is all real, then prove it to me. Right when I walk up to the door, have somebody there waiting to open it for me.” By the time I finished the thought I was at the front door, my mouth opening as the young woman opened the door from the inside to help me in.
Now, the cynical among you may say, “Yes, but chances are pretty good that at any given time during the day at a grade school there will be someone there standing that could open a door,” and you may be right, but I’m telling you that I’ve gone to that school hundreds of times and I can’t even remember one time that there was somebody actually just STANDING THERE inside the door, much less opening it to help me get in. It’s the Trout Festival of 07 all over again, I’m telling you. And it may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me, it was nothing short of a miracle. I’ve been known to challenge ‘them’ before (whoever ‘them’ may be - my higher-ups, maybe, god, maybe), and in important times, they’ve come through. Oh sure, sometimes it doesn’t work, like, “if I can unload the dishwasher by the time the microwave buzzes, the rest of my day will be great.” I think at those times, my guys are rolling their eyes (if they even have eyes) and wondering why in the heck they ever chose me to work with in the first place, but I’m grateful for today, in that tender moment when I feel like giving up and just walking away from everything, that they hear my pathetic little cry for help and affirmation. I heard it, yes, I did, and I’m still not sure what to do one minute from now, but at least I have that small act of sympathy and kindness, and in a small way I felt loved.