The summer of 2008, as my mother was dying, the gum around a molar on my right side became swollen. When I went to the dentist, he said my root canal needed a RE-root canal. It could be pulled, too. I opted for a re-root canal, but expressed my disgust that this tooth that had already been taken care of was needing MORE attention, and what did a girl have to do around here to get a little break? My mom was on her deathbed, for crying out loud. But I swallowed my fears, and in Sept. of ‘08 had a re-root canal on that tooth. As luck (or something else) would have it, THIS fall my molar on the LEFT side started hurting - great! It needs a root canal! Two in one year? How lucky can a girl get? At the same time THAT tooth hurt, my RIGHT molar started hurting - AGAIN. You’ve GOT to be kidding, I thought. What now? The infection had never cleared up, and in fact had SPREAD - it was now TRIPLE the size. That means that tooth has been infected for two years now. Amazing, isn’t it?
So a tooth extraction (the TE part) was recommended. I got angry - it will cost over $3000? Seriously - that’s like two Louis Vuitton purses, people! But then I thought about it. Dr. Taylor told me when he did the reroot canal on that 38 year old root canal that they used a process wherein they put TOXIC SUBSTANCES into the tooth when they refilled. It’s beyond me why they ever thought that would be a good idea, but I’m thinking at this point in my life, my body just didn’t want the toxins in my tooth to be in my body anymore, so if that’s the case, I’m willing to take it all out. The dental implant constitutes the DI part. I had to watch a video on it yesterday. I got a little sick to my stomach when they talked about the bone grafting they have to do, but I breathed through it, feeling oddly calm. I even peeked ahead to see if there would be any complications, but I just kept hearing my dear little voice saying, “Everything will be JUST fine,” and this time, I FELT that energy of fine-ness, and I’m not scared!
It’s odd, because in this lifetime I am so very brave and confident and bold about so very many things, but dental work is kind of not one of them. I have trust issues, I guess. Pain issues in my face, as well, I guess. I don’t quite know, I just know I’ve been having to face my biggest fears for the last year and half, in the form of TWO root canals and now a tooth extraction. It’s like Spirit’s saying, “You scared of that? Okay then, let’s DO it - again and again and again and again, until finally, maybe you won’t be so scared anymore.” I know there’s a reason for everything, I trust that. I really do. It’s the only thing that makes any sense. I’m anxious to see if my headaches and illnesses clear up once this infection is gone. I think they will. It must be hard for my body to have had to fight that infection for two years, don’t you think? The oral surgeon was amazed I wasn’t in more discomfort after having the infection for so long. I said it’s just because I’ve got such a great body.
Yes, I’ll have to take another round of antibiotics, but this time I’m not so fanatic about it - that’s just fine. I even asked my body, and it said that was fine. Do I talk to my body? You betcha! Not only my body, but individual body parts. I’ve been talking to my tooth NON-STOP, telling it to hang in there, I’m taking care of things, thanking it for not flaring up or causing me more pain. I watched the movie “Witches of Eastwick” and there’s a part where all three of women tell Jack Nicholson their greatest fears, then when they split from him, he makes those things happen to the women. Cher gets a bed full of snakes, Susan Sarandon sees herself as an old woman, and Michelle Pfeiffer gets unsufferable pain. We all have to face our deepest fears. Eleanor Roosevelt says, “We must do the one thing we think we cannot do.”
So I’m being brave about this Thursday afternoon’s surgery. I can do it - I’m going to kick some dental butt and take names. I’m a warrior. I can face my fears and walk straight through them. Nothing can hold me back from moving through. But still - wish me luck, okay?