We’ve talked about it for years, but finally decided this would be the trip we’d do it. In 1990 I wrote “Pink Stars and Angel Wings” for my kindergarten daughter, Kari. It’s about a little girl who finds her special star, wishes upon it to go there, and when she does, meets her guardian angel. It’s been such a special book for not only us, but for countless others around the world. I know it’s meant a lot to Kari, now 24, over the years, so when she first suggested that we get matching pink star tattoos, I was not only touched, but kind of excited. I got my first tattoo 9 1/2 years ago, when I turned 40. It was the Reiki symbols in purple and green, on the inside of my left leg. The pink star was to go on top of our right feet. I wanted to do it now, because my dearest daughter is leaving for England right after the holidays, where she’ll stay until she gets married next summer. Then she’s going back for a year. It’s all about new beginnings, and making a symbolic gesture to stay connected.
So when we got to Anita’s today, we didn’t know exactly how we wanted to do it, so sweet Anita painted a few stars on my foot so we could visualize it. The light pink with yellow behind it didn’t look right, but the light pink with the hot pink thin outline? Something just popped, like it was right. Anita said that the tattoos will tell YOU where they want to be, and I think that’s true. So we decided to just go for it, but when I sat down and saw the machine and saw the needles, I started hyperventilating. Why? I’m still not really sure. I was really scared, though. My palms were sweating, and I put my hands over my face so I couldn’t see anything (Kari’s got some fabulous hands-on-face pictures). I couldn’t commit. Was it about the fear of permanence? Fear of making the wrong decision? Fear of disappointing Steve? Fear of pain? Fear from this life or another life? Just overall fear because of the past month’s stresses? I’m not sure, but it was pretty powerful. To top it off, a CLIENT walks in, and says that he’s shocked to see how afraid I am, when he only sees me as confident and brave. But my ego is fine with him seeing my ‘other side,’ because that’s empowering for him. I know I’m multi-faceted, not ALL brave or confident. I know I’m a big scaredy chicken cat when it comes to certain things, and it’s okay for others to see my humanity. But still…
Kari held my hand, asked what she could do to help me. I couldn’t do it. We were committed to doing it together, so I said that if SHE got hers first, then I’d HAVE to get mine, because I’d promised her we’d do it together. That solved a lot of problems, and made me see how sick I really am - I’d rather be shamed into getting a tattoo because I’d promised, than be the scared one who got it first. But again, that’s okay not to have to be the brave one, or the leader, or the first at everything. Anita explained that, and yup - I started crying. I knew it was about more than just the tattoo. So Kari went and said it hardly hurt at all. I believed her. I said, “Let’s just do this,” and it WAS easier after I’d watched Kari do it. It took all of three minutes. Yes, it stung, but it hurt a lot less than my first tattoo.
Am I proud of myself? Yes. Is it a big deal? Maybe not for other people, but in these landmine times we’re in, any little victory feels like a huge victory. We take our joys and accomplishments whenever we can get them, whether it’s being a part of a beautiful project like “Beautiful Women of North Dakota” or making French Lasagna for the family because they love it, we should celebrate the everyday things, the little things, the simple things. Because I think that may be where we learn the most, where we grow. I MAY feel like the cowardly lion today, but I WAS brave, I DID do it something, even when I was afraid. I got it done. It gives me courage to conquer my root canal next week, my honest letter I’m sending to someone, the day when my daughter leaves for England. Flow with the changes, ride the waves, keep going, and even if you get your mouth full of water when you go under from time to time, celebrate when you pop back out of the water again, because it’s not always easy to keep going. So celebrate the cowardly lion in you - encourage him, support him, cheer him on, love him, and hold him when he shivers. He’ll get through it… and so will you.