There’s a mighty wind a blowin’, as the theme song from “A Mighty Wind” goes, and it’s true, it’s true! I keep feeling it, and keep saying it, but it’s becoming more fundamentally real to me these days. Maybe it’s just that this last energy upheaval (I no longer call them energy shifts - they’re now energy upheavals) was SO obvious to me. It started on the Saturday before Labor Day (obvious when I first felt it) - the aching and fatigue. Followed by the two week fatigue, headaches, TMJ, and sinus infection. All mostly on the right side of my body. Oh, and let’s not forget me feeling like I was an alien last Thursday. I don’t even know what means, I just know that my whole body felt like it had this different energy flowing through it - not mine. But I was okay with it - I just closed my eyes and breathed a lot, knowing it would pass (which it did).
An acquaintance died, followed by a friend getting a huge job promotion that may hopefully lead me in a new professional direction. Followed by another imminent change. I know - I’ve said I don’t much like change in my routines, and I really don’t. I find that staying as stable as possible (well, you know what I mean) helps give me a firm foundation from which to springboard all the fabulous energies from. The firmer the ground the higher I can jump, and all that. But all of that ground is shifting underneath me, but it feels SOLID, and really GOOD, so I’m not worried or frightened or scared or nervous. I’m really ... interested. And that’s another sign that I’m working with these upheavals in a new way. I don’t feel so much like things are happening TO me, but that I’m a partner in the shifts, if that makes sense. I feel more empowered, more awake, more aware.
Some things are funnier to me, like a friend who doesn’t seem to be able to hear what I’m telling her, even if I tell her bluntly five times. It’s as if she’s blocking my words. That’s very interesting to me. Another person is seemingly trying to pull me into some junior high antics, and trust me, I hated that crap first time around, so I’m not letting myself get pulled in. Rather, it’s interesting (have you noticed I’ve used that word a lot?) for me to notice and note the different emotions, energies, actions, and situations around me, and yet feel like I am in control of my life and actions, and it doesn’t matter so much what others are doing. It really matters what I do, and that’s cool. It’s neat. It’s keen. It’s every 60’s word and phrase that’s ever been uttered, and then some.
So I sit here bundled up in Bill’s moose polar fleece looking at the sky get grayer by the minute. I watch the wind blowing through the green leaves, remembering the dead leaves blowing across the road last night as I drove back from a fabulous evening at Brigid’s House in Park Rapids. I think, “I wonder if I’m ready for winter,” and I don’t think I am. There are changes coming, big changes, and I want it still be warm outside so I won’t have to live those changes underneath heavy down coats. I don’t know what that means, other than I want to feel unencumbered, free, feeling the sun and wind on my bare skin when I walk forward into this newness. I don’t want the ground to be dead and covered under feet of snow. I don’t want to look at the newness through little slits in my scarf. I want to greet the New in my cute brown skirt and black scuffs, a white tank top and silk scarf draped casually around my neck, greeting the newness with a hug and a smile. So I pray for at least 6 more weeks of autumn because that’s how long I think it will take for this New to get here completely. And then? And then? It’s on to the next grand adventure. And THAT I am willing to meet in my down parka and woolen gloves, shaking all the way. From excitement or cold, we’ll just have to see.