I called Linda last November, to try to get in to see her, but she had a waiting list. Sure I’ll wait. She called last week, and did I still want to come in for counseling? Heck yes. After these dreams, and the knowledge that my grief process has moved from an amorphous, all over my body feeling to centralizing in my gut, getting harder and harder. Yes, I need help. Last night the only dream I remember was the vomiting kind of feeling as I moaned and moaned, then cried out loud, again and again. I wondered vaguely WHILE I was dreaming if I was also doing that in ‘real life.’ I have no idea - Steve didn’t wake me up at any rate, so maybe it was just all in my head (literally). I don’t really mind those feelings of the deep cries, but now that I have more information about my body, I think it’s interesting that it’s coming from my belly.
Linda helped me pinpoint where I’m holding my grief - third chakra. She had me breathe into it, and interestingly I saw a very energetic VOID there. When I breathed into it I became more visible and THAT made me nervous. Why, she asked. Because then people can find me and I may have to do more things. This feeling of responsibility and duty, of wanting to take care of everybody else (feeling I SHOULD be taking care of everybody else) had rendered my third chakra invisible. So those dreams of that junk being exorcised through the moaning makes good sense to me. It has to be released some way. And Linda and I speak similar language - I really resonate with her. I’m excited to be in therapy, even though I joke that I’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars in therapy over the years, it’s been a really long time since I’ve seen anyone, and if you need help I think it’s really good to get help. I told her it was like ‘regular’ life was taking care of my house, but life right now added a full-time job and triplets to the mix, and I’m having a hard time keeping up with everything.
I still think I’m doing pretty well with everything, considering, but something tells me when I clear this current stuff I will be able to catapult even higher into the upper stratospheres, or maybe my body will be able to catch up to the rest of me! Either way you look at it, I’m doing the work, with help, with a Witness, with support, and I am optimistic and eternally grateful. Thank you, Linda - you sincerely rock.