I had to start my stories again. I may have to start yet again as I stumble over my words. My stories are both confidential, so I wonder how I can possibly say what I have to say without divulging confidentiality? I realize I need to just say what I have to say, without involving either of them. What I want to say is that I believe in miracles. I believe that no matter what outside circumstances look like, no matter how impossible or unbelievable or inconceivable anything is, there is always hope, there is always light, even in the darkest of days and nights. I know this to the core of my Being. How? Because I have been to those dark places. And I have walked through the darkness back into the light again. I have sat in the same sweatpants for days on end, hardly able to get up off the couch, hardly able to brush my teeth or wash a dish. Not able to pay bills or make a phone call. The thought of all of the steps necessary to take a shower was just too overwhelming for me, so I didn’t.
I remember being in a situation from which I thought I couldn’t escape. I felt trapped. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do. In an instant that changed, and light flooded through my body, and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would do anything to get out of my situation, no matter what. There was nothing that anybody could do to stop me. They tried to stop me. They threatened me, sued me, counter-sued me, harrassed me, yelled at me, but I didn’t care. I remained strong. I kept walking. I had faith. And here I am today, standing tall and smiling. What I want to say about these two stories and these two people is this: I believe in miracles. People say I’m overly optimistic, that I’m not a realist, but that is bullshit. I AM a realist, but I also see the broader picture, and that is that we are so preciously loved that god and our angels and the Universe will do anything to help us be happy and whole. There is nothing that is not within our reach, no situation so dire that we cannot make it through. I wish you could see what I see - you are safe, and protected, supported and loved. I love you. I love you so much it’s almost ridiculous. But love can’t be ridiculous, so it’s not. You will not only be fine, SS, you will walk through this warrior’s predicament and be stronger than ever, clear, and ready to kick ass in your life. I know it. I see it. My other dear MBF, this is what we have been intending for 10 years now, and I love you so much my heart aches, in a good way. I am here for you through your fear, I won’t leave your side. You are a miracle. You know that.
In these times of global fear and nuclear meltdowns, earthquakes, tsunamis and volcanoes, I am calm. I am blissful. Why? Because I know that everything is perfect, even if we can’t see it right now. I send prayers and healing and money to Japan, I send healing to my SS and MBF for support and light. My quiet time increases daily as I expand to include more and more people into my healing circle. That’s as it should be. I need to be quiet more often. What I want to say is that maybe it’s time to be quieter, just sit, just be there for someone else. Just listen a little. You don’t always have to do something. You can just be there, and in so doing, can act like a beacon for someone who’s afraid, or struggling right now. And I see the struggles, I sincerely do, but I have faith in you - you can do it. Just know that I love you forever.