Last summer we were driving to Erik’s friend’s apartment. When we pulled into the long driveway we saw two rabbits precariously close to the road. Bill says, “what the bunny h?” It works for everything, I’m tellin’ ya. Kind of like “what the h?” without the harsh implications of swearing. After all, a bunny CAN’T swear. When the endodontist called today they recommended further treatment on ANOTHER tooth that has now had TWO (count ‘em) TWO root canals. It is still infected. Part of me wants to curl up and sleep, but a bigger part is really interested in all of this. I told Linda (my therapist - you’ll probably hear a lot about her) that MY information was that “whatever bad has happened in my life needs to be taken care of.” The original root canal was when I was 11 or 12, so Linda smartly asks me what bad happened to me when I was 11 or 12. Wow - can it really work that way? I struggled to tell the whole story (it’s always good to tell the stories to help clear them), but we figure that’s simply pointing to something even BEFORE that - maybe even just energetically or from another lifetime. My fear of “what if it turns out be worse than we think” can also be said for delving into these energetic waters of my past. Am I afraid of what I’ll find? Am I afraid it will be too much work? Is the fact that it’s located on my right side have anything to do with the fact that sometimes (okay, a lot of times) I have difficulty acclimating to being in a physical body? It’s so much EASIER to be just Spirit, don’t you think? No stomachaches, no headaches, no teeth problems, no fatigue. Sigh.
But I will be honest and say that I am more curious than scared right now. I’m curious about this tooth, about this long-term infection (which by the way showed up within a month after Mom died), wondering how I will be able to clear it, how I will be able to address what needs to be addressed, how to heal “the bad thing that happened when I was 11 or 12.” I have a sneaking suspicion it’s not about the tooth at all. If it was, the first root canal would’ve held. For SURE the second one should’ve worked. It has a high success rate. This next process? It’s called acioectomy or something like that. The doctor blah blah blahs, then blah blah - you get the picture. I’m willing to do that to clear up the infection, but I also have a sneaking suspicion nothing will be ‘cleared up’ until I finish up the rest of this ‘stuff.’
What intense times! I keep saying that, yet it keeps applying. This time is not for sissies - it takes diligence, and willingness, and consciousness and an extra amount of energy and fortitude. An extra dose of fortitude. Oh, and trust. Always trust. I’m clearing this lifetime, all past lifetimes, my family’s lifetimes, my current family’s issues. Man, I’m the Super-Walmart of clearing, aren’t I? Anything you’re looking for? You’ll find it here! But it’s good - really, it is. I don’t mind. In fact, I think this is a big part of what I signed up for. Why? Because I’ve got the strength for it, the willingness, the consciousness, the power and ability to do the extra work that’s needed to clean everything up. Right now I feel solid and good and ready for the next step. But still, there’s a part of me that’s like, “seriously, WHAT THE BUNNY H?” Keep going - it’s all for the best, I know that in my heart of hearts to continue to be true, even if everything looks to the contrary. All of the losses, difficulties, challenges and trials - what are they leading us toward? How are they helping shape and form us? Who are we becoming? All, all good. I think I’ll write on that tomorrow. Until then? Remember to breathe, smile, laugh, and have some fun. Because life SHOULD be fun, don’t you think?